Getting blinder everyday.

Darn it.

I gotta get up and going…

I think I need this just so my brain can let loose.

This English thing is going to go so badly. I know for sure it’s gonna be my fault. God damn it. I feel so off track lately. I can’t ever seem to manage my time. I guess it’s the whole procrastination thing. Goodness, can’t I ever grow up?

But what’s really bothering me is this stupid tiny hole drilling being drilled inside my stomach and my chest. I have this stupid (hopefully it’s just stupid) feeling that you’re slipping away. I keep thinking that it’s something that I’m doing. Am I doing something wrong? Am I doing everything wrong? It’s probably this part of my brain that ends up making things worst.

Now that I think about it even more, it probably is. This silly, paranoid, illogical too emotional based type of thinking. I guess I just have to accept the fact that I’m a really needy guy. REALLY needy.

I fear that my “clingyness” will push you away. I sure hope it doesn’t. I think, the reason for my unending clingyness, is that I’m so afraid. I’m afraid that if I ever let go, you’re gone, and I’ll just be me again. No one to really say I like you for this, I love you for that.

I think it really boils down to self-confidence issues. Damn it Freud… But I do believe that this is a legitimate issue for myself. That I’m so absurdly self-conscous and have such low self-esteem, it shakes my world when somebody likes me. But I don’t want to get wrapped up in myself.

So maybe that’s it? Maybe the only person, the only reason this whole thing is happening is because I’m too damn self centred to take a step back? Maybe. I sure hope it is. It could be a time for a change.

I take so many things for granted…

What really scares me is if one day, all that I cared about disappeared. I’d be really friggin lost.

Don’t disappear on me. All of you. ):

Note to self:

Buy Of Monsters And Men CD.

Let me tell you a story about a fear…

I knew what I held.

Deep inside me, I knew what stirred. I knew what growled and snarled and roared and howled. I knew what twisted and deranged and broken things I contained.

It dare not not step out during the day.

The light, it seemed, burned and stung the vile beast. It was unable to do it’s job, unable to strike fear into hearts, as if it was a musican striking the keys of a piano. But the light made it difficult. As if the creature was a million million miles away, throaty roars a voice lost in the wind. The monster’s long, crooked reach could not cross the distance, and only made the fiend look like a dying snake. During the day, I almost pitied the thing.

But the night.

The night told a different story.

Where there was once colourful coathangers, the beast made his claws. Where there were buttons, tiny gleaming eyes moved to replace them. Where there were sleeves, fingers, tentacles, and hairy legs squirmed in the dark. During the night, I was the only thing standing betwixt the beast and his prey. On windy nights, the creature’s cries became wails, and on stormy nights, thunder became the roar. Despite my best efforts as the mediator to the foul thing, I knew they feared what lurked within me.

But still I held.

Let me tell you about a cracked perspective…

I miss her lips. I truly do. I miss that soft kiss she gives whenever she’s cold, when she’s hot, or just cause. I miss getting kissed first thing in the morning, and right before bed. I love how she looked past what was on and inside, and looked deep inside, down to the base of who I am. I hated her long nails clacking on my arm, but I must admit it was still an amazing sensation. I miss her hands all over me, especially along my midsection, her hands would just envelope me. I miss who she was. But then she found someone else. Someone tougher, stronger, less pale and porcelain. I loved that about my complexion. Like a porcelian doll, but more pale. Some how. And more fragile. And that shows now, my fragility. She didn’t mean it, but it shattered me never the less. Now I’m just lying on the ground in pieces, waiting for her to pick me up again. But even if she does, I know I’ll be gone from her life, and her from mine. I’m hurt in more ways than one.

TL;DR: A girl drops her mug.

Getting blinder everyday.: Let me tell you a wintry tale...

Let me tell you a wintry tale…

I as awoke from my stupor, my family called out to me. The enemy had arrived. We were not always enemies. Often, I am ashamed to admit, I enjoyed their presence. Not even looking forward to the battle, but fighting along side, fighting with the present foe. With a heavy sigh and much delay, I quickly armored myself against our persistant assailant. This foe was well known to me, but I was not well known to the foe. I would make myself remembered. As the creak and groan of machinery around me gave way my position, I quickly selected my weapon off the rack on the wall. Brandishing the weapon, I calmly stepped out into the fray. Calmly, and with pace. The slippery conditions made the battle so much more difficult, but I was determined. My arm shot out, cleaving a group of the enemy. I pushed with both my legs and my arms, hoisting the enemy high before it hit the ground. Again I pushed, with more zeal. But the Earth and terrain against me, I lost my footing, barely saving myself before I fell down. With recalculated energy and better rhythm, I struck out, withdrew, struck out. My arms grew weary, my back sore from work. But I saw the onslaught weaken, and my efforts redoubled. While the siege would continue for hours, this battle was paramount to others sure to follow. Shoulders burning, I finally felt the weight of my enemies. Whilst I had turned my back on half the battlefield to attend to the lane, I looked back to see my work undone. Post-haste I pushed through, much more easily this time round, and swiftly dispatched my foes on the ground. I retreated to my cove, revelling in the victory. The peppering continued, but I had won this battle. Their numbers crushed and greatly diminished, I enjoyed a hot cup of chocolate, crowing over my victory.

TL;DR: I shovelled snow off the driveway.

I’m alive.

Just so you know.

My girlfriend got into McGill.

I’m so damn proud. (:

Request: Watch and Reblog

did-you-kno:

Hi, I request you all to take out few minutes and watch this documentary and share it as much as possible. I made a post about it few hours back and i feel it needs a lot more share than it currently has. 

Link to the post and documentary—-> CLICK HERE

Thanks and Love

Fidel

did you know blog

(via stephanelegault)